Not email, Thapar may launch its own country!!

by Cypher

While the campus is abuzz with reports about Thapar University launching an email service to take on Google’s Gmail, trusted sources inform us that the university is planning a much bigger coup. The University, which has over 100 thousand alumni [citation needed] till date, is all set to launch its own modern republic next week. The institute’s head Ms Sheila would head an interim government in the new republic till inaugural elections are held.

The university has been making headlines ever since Tanki was declared a national monumentand the university’s ‘Team fateh’ took over Volkswagen. (That’s exactly what got us X-men interested in this university!)

In the coming week, every registered student of Thapar, currently or passed out, would receive a mail asking to confirm if they’d like to become the citizen of the new country. If one confirms, he or she would receive his or her passport of the new country, whereas those rejecting the offer would have to apply for “visa” to continue being a student/alumni of the institute.

“Yes, those not willing to join the Thapar Nation will have to pay visa fees (MORE fees?). We’d have different types of visas for different types of people. The teachers and staff will have to apply for business visa, the alumni would have to apply for tourist visa, while those who are still studying will be issued student visa,” informed our source.

Interestingly, since Thapar University doesn’t yet own an independent piece of land in this world, all those who’d become the citizens of the Thapar Nation (TN) would automatically become Non Resident Thaparians (NRTs), and thus may need to apply for visa in their existing countries of residence.

“We are in talks with all the nations of the world to allow NRTs to continue living in their respective countries on immigrant visa or transit visa till we buy land and relocate all our citizens,” the Thapar source said.

“Politics and business is fine, the country would be able to manage them,” says a sociologist“But what about the social aspects? Most students consider MIT as God; they turn to MIT for the best education in technology. Will Thapar allow this practice or consider this as some heretic or traitorous action? What would be the identity of this nation? The ethos? The symbols? Have they thought about these things?” He sounded very cynical.

However, our TU source claimed that all such issues had been discussed intensely within the team before they decided to launch a new country. Our source hinted that the nation would be named THAPARIA (THAPARSTAAN); the song “Amplifier” has been proposed as the national anthem; the TU logo would serve as the flag too; no specific religion, however electrical lab corridor would most likely be declared the place to worship.

The not-so-cynical experts believe that the Thapar Nation would be a runaway success and would lead to creation of new e-countries, with BITS and IITs most likely to follow suit and pave way for a multipolar but vibrant world. “The real problem would be when companies like Chitkara follow suit; it will create failed countries that might give rise to recession and terrorism,” warned an expert.

The Indian PM when asked on whether it will affect India as a country said, “Well it’s their choice. Although a formation of a new nation won’t affect India that much. The only sad part is that now the tanki which has been our national monument for so long and has brought us pride will no longer be with us”.

Coffee with Cypher: FutureFake

Another post of FutureFake
by Cypher

31st august 2056



It was a snowy day as usual (the ice age begun in 2049) in Patiala as we reached the premises of currently the greatest educational institution in India and the world too perhaps- Thapar University. Many would agree that the sole credit of this goes to the head of the institute Ms Sheila. She was assigned to this post back in the time when the university was in a rebuilding phase and has been rock solid at it since then. We decided to interview this great leader herself in person. Here are some excerpts from the interview:

• FNT: Firstly, thank you mam for giving us few minutes of your precious time. You must be a busy woman. So, tell us mam such a long time on this post, how does it feel?

SHE: Well when I came to this post, WHAT IN THIS WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!(pointing at the female journalist in our team) DON’T YOU KNOW BOYS AND GIRLS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE WITH EACH OTHER INSIDE THE CAMPUS!WE CALL THIS OFF!THIS IS GROSS INDISCIPLINE!

It took us 15 minutes to pacify her. The female journalist was asked to wait outside as we continued..

SHE: Well when I came to this post, I had only one goal: to take this institution to a level where parents would dream their child to study! Now when I look back I think I did a good job!

• FNT: we assure you, you did. Every parent DREAMS that. (What with the sky rocketing fees, it can be nothing more but a dream to get admission here!). But such a long time. Did you never think of quitting or moving on?

SHE: well frankly not at all! I mean I love my job. Moreover, the fact that we never get our salaries before at least a one year-delay so that kind of eliminates any chances of us quitting.

• FNT: an incident that we are sure everyone remembers about this university is the 2012 apocalypse. This university was the only thing that stood unharmed after the tsunami waves hit Punjab. How did that come about?

SHE: well it was 2 am when the tsunami waves reached here. As you know, I had made it a rule that entry from the main gate is closed at 10pm (10 30 in case of emergencies). The tsunami waves were no exception. A RULE IS A RULE. I was personally present at the gate to deny them admission. Entering at 2 am is not just carelessness. IT IS GROSS INDISCIPLINE.

• FNT: WHOA! What do we say to that! That is some serious superhero stuff! People also talk about how you revolutionized the punishment system. Can you tell us a bit about that?

SHE: well those were my early days when I first came up with this idea. The defaulters when caught would quite conveniently say that they did not have their ID cards with them. To mark these students, I would click a picture of their in my I-phone with their name and roll no. soon the collection of pics was so huge that it was impossible to store them any further in my phone’s 8GB memory. Therefore, I started uploading them on Facebook and anyone who helped us tag those pics was promised a reward. Soon we had a huge database of all the defaulters and thus it became easy for us to recognize anyone.

• FNT: that is just shear genius! And mam would you like to tell us something more about…that boys and girls thing you mentioned earlier?

SHE: well it is a simple rule. BOYS AND GIRLS are not allowed to be together in the campus unless ofcourse if you are registered as kins which obviously needs a affidavit and a personal confirmation by their parents! moreover now when you have interaction in the hostels, why do you need to create scenes in public ! NOT IN THE CAMPUS!!i won’t tolerate this GROSS INDISCIPLINE!!

• FNT: ........ well this year also marks the 100th anniversary of this university. What are the plans for that?

SHE: well ya. This year fortunately marks the 50th anniversary of our techfest ARANYA as well! An extravagant show awaits all of us. For the first, time ever, the legend himself: RAJNIKANTH would be performing on stage! (Rajnikanth, turning 106 this year recently returned from a world tour to promote his movie ROBOT-43) also, the female singing sensation, JUSTIN BIEBER would become the first international artist to perform in any of our fests. She is not the only performer though. We are in talks with many others. You’ll just have to wait.

• FNT: ........what about your future plans, mam?

SHE:well we are already one of the best university in this world.. but i want this university to be a known name in the whole universe! it has lately been a trend that many of our students go to mars after their schools get over for further studies. i want this university to provide education that is up to the level of mars.


The university sure seems to be throwing up a blast for the 100th anniversary. This was Ms Sheila herself talking to us for the first time. We hope you got your questions about this amazing person answered. we wish her all the best in all her future endeavors. Love her or hate her, she’s here to stay.

Future Fake: Team Fateh to take over Volkswagen

by Havok

PATIALA:
21st September '58

After generating a lot of media hype, the local car manufacturers Team Fateh have finalized the plan of taking over the German manufacturing company Volkswagen. The faculty advisor of TF, Mr. Karan Sidana, said in a press statement that, “The planned acquisition is in line with the team's objective to enhance its styling and familiarize Thapar University students with the global standards.” Explaining the reason for the delay in making this announcement, he said, "The hardest part in finalizing the deal was persuading the VW officials that the name of the company would be pronounced as VOLKS-WAGEN henceforth, as FOKS-WAGEN made no sense at all, it took some time, but I managed to succeed, as I always do in such arguments." The official takeover is expected to take place anytime now.

This announcement has sent a wave of excitement among the University students, and one of them even went on to say, "This is the best thing that has happened to Indian motor industry since the first F1 GP was held way back in 2011."

It is said to be a giant leap for a Team that has shown its promise by being the only Indian team to complete the endurance level successfully in the year 2008.

The Prime Minister on Wednesday termed the Volkswagen takeover by TF as a landmark in the march of Indian businesses.

Extremely overjoyed by this news, the DOSA of Thapar has announced a free “Langar” for all the students on 25th September at COS complex, and her decision to have no barricades between boys and girls this time around is being received with great enthusiasm by one and all. When asked that what will happen to the existing employees of Volkswagen, she simply replied that “Tell them their jobs are safe, until of course the University students pass out.”

Coffee Shake: Fact or Fable?

by The Cypher

Introducing a new weekly column, FutureFake! Make sure you come back every Monday to read our insights of the future

21st July 2056

The Thapar University Alumni Association is hosting the TU Global Meet 2056 in Patiala from August 7-9. This conference will bring together world leaders and organizations with the theme “Transforming Society, Enterprises and Academia through Innovation.” The event, which also celebrates the 100th anniversary of the university, provides a powerful platform for shaping international relations, with over 1,000 attendees from multiple countries.

“From small beginnings, and a deep belief in access to education, from a handful of schools and colleges to the present day with over 300 thousand alumni, across 80 countries the university is quickly becoming a global brand representing excellence in the engineering, science and arts,” said Mr. S.S.S Duvvuri, Director, Thapar University, Patiala.

A question that was on everybody's mind though was if the university would finally throw some light on perhaps the most debated question that has encircled this university since almost 50 years. "Did COFFEE SHAKE really exist?". "Off course not. Doesn't it sound stupid enough that something like that could have existed in those times?" said the director when asked about it. However when Mr Rishabh Narang (currently the G.M. of Ferrari Motors, India), a Thapar alumnus from the 2012 batch, himself was asked the same question, he said "Hell yeah, it is true! I was one of the few lucky Thaparians to actually have tasted the legendary coffee shake. It was an irreplaceable part of our daily dietary routine." He is currently here to showcase Ferrari's new launch - The hatchback 'Ferrari 4u'.

Coffee shake, as the name suggests was a cold coffee variant which as the story goes was the innovative idea of a Thapar student himself in early 2000s. The drink soon became an outrage and was at one time the favorite of every Thapar student. It is said that this drink soon became the envy of the other shop owners. They along with the Thapar authorities issued a lifetime ban on the drink. It is still unclear as to what were the reasons for which the authorities banned it but what followed was the greatest uprising in the university's history, with the students opposing this decision. However it soon died with the passing out of students. The new students off course weren't even aware of the fact that they had just missed upon on what could have been an experience of a lifetime. The stories kept circulating but the T.U authorities never agreed if any of this was true.

And thus the coffee shake became one of the many 'myths' that people talk about. Believers still say it is all true. Well it is upto you to decide who you really believe!