Angry Bird-ay

by Cyclops

Mayawati couldn't help but express her displeasure today, on her 56th birthday. The affair was initially supposed to restricted to the cabinet itself and have an internal celebration. According to BSP's election standards the big birthday bash was to be done at the party headquarters but Maywati clearly had no choice but to bring it all out in the open.

This was triggered after a chain reaction from the last couple of weeks. Maywati sad she was unhappy and that she had been expecting a special birthday surprise from Cine Youth. When asked about at the press conference, she confessed that Cine Youth's recent announcement about something special on 15th had raised her expectations and was most certainly expecting a short film if not a statue at the venue. To add to the fury, Rahul Gandhi was the first one to wish her at midnight, and didn't hesitate at all in expressing how excited he was to have received the invite from Cine Youth. Mayawati stormed off from the press conference when she was told by a reporter that RLD chief Ajit Singh had also received an invite. There are rumours floating around from inside the party headquarters that she decided not to cut the cake after she read a tweet by Rajnath Singh, "#CineYouth Judge \m/. Who's your daddy now @mayawati!"

In all this madness, Mayawati decided to blast the EC officials as well and went hard on them for covering her statues. The ball is now in Cine Youth's court and they need to answer or face the wrath of Maya.

There is also something to cheer about for the poor CHUSSUs who have been waiting to know which elective they've been allotted even after 2 weeks since the start of the new semester. Inspired by Maywati's decision to release the list of candidates for BSP today, DOAA announced that he will also release the list of electives on his own birthday.

C(K)AT diya!

by Cyclops

Prometric officials today evening apologized for their blunder which saw the percentile of one of the top students in India being displayed wrong, and by a huge margin. Prometric was reponsible for conducting the CAT from a period ranging from September-November 2011. The results were declared last night and during all the rush, the percentile of a very bright young mind was displayed as 61 only.

To add to the madness, Thapar University's spokesperson had released the statement today evening stating that the University had topped in all of North India with 99.91 bagged by Vipul Chhabra a mechanical graduate. Who was to know that later on another student with outclass this amazing feat!

Today morning Paahul Sikand, walked to his workplace at Sector-62 as a very normal person, after seeing his score last night he wasn't too disappointed. He is a very simple person you would know that if you've watched any of his award winning films. He came to the office, took his usual training, had his usual 3 cups of coffee with CoCubes, texted all his friends at other companies about his free coffee, had his free lunch. But when this 'FAAD' as they call him now, guy walked back home, there was something different about him altogether. He had that look on his face as if he ruled the world, walked with confidence and why not? He had earned it all with a 99.99 percentile in CAT breaking all Thapar records of the last many years including the IIM-AB chemical couple. 

Prometric had caused a great ordeal to the lads at Thapar, the officials were disappointed too as they had to spend more money in getting a correct statement out. Prometric officials announced Rs. 1 lakh compensation for this guy's dulhan in the future.

All this havok, created a lot of unrest all across Thapar, with many more people protesting that maybe their percentile was also incorrect. One student from Thapar called the office a record 136 times and threatened to commit suicide on 13th of January. Prometric officials however made it clear after cross checking that his percentile was definitely 71 and not more.

PS - Heartiest congratulations to our very own Cypher

Shit Happens

by Cyclops

Is that a bird? Is that a plane? Nah, not superman, this guy is bigger and one of Thapar’s most unique creations. 2011 saw Marvel showcase so many superheroes at once to set the stage for Avengers, coming out July 2012 consisting of a all the previous characters! The same two years saw the rise of a wild creature at our University’s campus. This mysterious guy is rumoured to be a resident of the East block of Hostel-J. However his name still remains a mystery. 

Early 19th morning, the first incident of this mystery man came to limelight when human faeces were found in a cluster in hostel-J. One of the residents managed to contact the top news reporting company at Thapar (We’re back!) and we exclusively managed to get this story just for our beloved readers!

After all the research work and combination of multiple words of mouth, this is what we managed to make of the night: [Throw up alert. DO NOT read if you feel pukish] Apparently, this tatti-man used polybags to excrete and pack his own waste after which he walked from his cluster in the east wing to the west wing. After finding his target cluster, he threw all the waste right in the corridor of the cluster at around 2-3 in the night when everybody was asleep, home or passed out (Remember, the ESTs just ended).

Early next morning when the guard came by the cluster he puked his guts out on seeing the disgusting sight, enraged at the loss of the liqour he had managed to earn last night he blamed the inmates. After a long argument he realized that nobody would possibly shit in his own room. 

The tatti-man thus managed to survive his first run. Who is this tatti-man? If you know him contact 9780696733 and let everybody know. Or just type it on FNT’s wall. Till then we’re all just sitting duck’s to this tatti-man and when he strikes/shits on you, it wouldn’t be as funny. So join the ATF, the anti-tatti force now and stay connected with people who know how to deal with shit!

 



PS - This actually happened,

PPS - Or maybe it didnt,
PPPS- We dont fake!

Wonder boy gets us ticket to MIT

by Cyclops

The prestigious American University, that is the dream of every engineer today announced direct admission for students of Thapar University. It has been reported that some of the top Universities from the USA, including the likes of Stanford, Harvard, Yale contacted TU to establish a direct admission program. After repeated rounds of discussions through a Hangout (Yes, on Google+, its a video conference application that supports multiple users). The BOD from all these colleges did a hangout and finally the deal was signed between TU and MIT.
You might be wondering why did all of this happen? Well, a Thapar University student triggered this. Our very own Rishabh Narang, the wonder boy took the GRE today morning and got a perfect score of 1600. The ETS were shocked to find an Indian boy making a mockery out of the examination by getting no answers wrong. Also known as 'Naranger', the wonder boy is now the talk of the town. His phone is engaged since the very minute he left the examination center. Reports have suggested that a number of fine American Universities are contacting him even as you read!

This line that is common amongst his friends could be Horlicks's new tagline, 'Taller, stronger, NARANGER!' In addition to this, boy wonder's photo has already been published in today's Mumbai Mirror with 5 institutes including Career Launcher claiming 'Naranger' to be their student. Nonetheless, Naranger achieved it inspite of being in Thapar (pun intended). We shall remind you how FNT has always been supportive of this talented young boy. Next stop, the GM of Ferrari!

Looks like we all Thapar University students owe Narang big time for opening this direct channel to MIT. Thank you wonder boy!

Moving towards a 'Khush Dil' Punjab?

by Cyclops

Rumour mills at Thapar are abuzz with talks about a current student, Sandhu deciding to launch his own political party. Sandhu believes that a man at 83 does not have the right to rule a state and the generation gap is causing much vexation to the majority younger generation crowd of Punjab. The big question is which of the Sandhu's will head this party? Reports have confirmed that there is a major possibility of a joint venture to ensure full control over Punjab, their motherland.

Let me introduce you to the two commander-in-chiefs. Amrinder and Khushdil, the Sandhu bros'. The Sandhu' brothers have been disappointed in the government since a very long time. Also I should add here that they have been disappointed with Thapar ever since they joined. Many such factors motivated them to take this step towards a better state.

With a trip down south, in the land of Telangana, Amrinder Singh was a man on a mission. No, not Capt. Amrinder Singh, I'm talking about Amrinder Singh Sandhu. Oh yes, it is believed that he chose to do his 6 month training at Hyderabad, with main focus on learning the strategies of the Telangana fighters. He will return to Punjab tomorrow and the rumours have spread like fire all across Punjab about the dawn of a new warrior, the birth of a savior, a Nigga, a Red Devil, one with expertise from another state. I wouldn't talk too much about his strategies as that might land me into some trouble.

Moving on to how this all started, as a kid he was influenced a lot by the Niggas and western culture. He grew up listening to Dr Dre, 50 cent, 2pac, DMX, Ice Cube, etc. On the other hand, KD the other brother was accidentally dropped into a matka of ghee [citation needed] when he was a baby, giving him immense strength which motivated him to take up a career in boxing. They say the kinda ghee he was dropped in, even Obelix would envy him!

Every day as a child he would think about changing the government. Finally, he took a step, united with his brother, and is now on the verge of forming a new party. Additionally Havok and Cypher managed to dig out information regarding the other major members of the party in development.

Harkirat - A trained sniper from Prague
Grewal - The All-India topper (AIR 1) of the CZAT
Navjot - The Punjabi Karate Kid
Gill sab - Party da 'Role Model'
SS Dhillon - Political Advisor
NGH - Requested no title
Romana - Senior advisor

The initial strategy is believed to focus on winning the two important constituencies. For the same, Amrinder Singh will battle Amrinder Singh for the Patiala constituency expecting full support from Patiala. While, KD will battle for the Bhatinda constituency against the SAD.

Jatt United Party, thats one possibility of what they might call themselves. Check out the logo and flag!

Support the JUP by clicking here (if you want to live) -

Ramdev was waiting for Green signal from OP Pandey - Sources

by Cyclops

His methods may be controversial, but the public is with him once again mainly because of the belief that they have in him, BABA RAMDEV. The man who has been threatening the government with hunger strikes since the last couple of weeks. He finally starts today after the congress tried their luck at deferring the start by sending in a number of ministers to try and convince the baba. However the baba revealed today that Kapil Sibal and co. did not manage to stop him. He was waiting for his old chaddi-buddy, OP Pandey, who is a professor at Thapar. He made it clear today morning that Pandey was the one who gave him the vision and ideas and he was a friend who had stood by him in difficult times.

Ramdev went on to iterate stories of his bachpan, how both of them cheered for Eddie Guerrero every Monday night at RAW, their favorite show. And how on one particular Monday both of them didn't eat dinner after Eddie Guerrero was thrashed by Hulk Hogan. "Had I eaten food that painful night, I wouldn't have had the courage to gather the masses and instigate a nation-wide protest", he added, "I look up to Guerrero as my childhood idol, I still salute him for giving me all the courage I have today."

This might seem a little too much to gulp down for the Congress. As soon as Ramdev got the nod from Pandey, he decided to begin his fast along with Pandey bhai and thousands of others at the Ramlila ground in New Delhi. Pandey was quick to add, "Thapar University ki taraf se poora saport hai, humne Hazare ji ke time par bhi ek lambi daud lagayi thi mombati lekar, aur ab hum khud chalein aayein hain baba ke saath baithne ke liye. Apne bache ke liye Thapar ka form zaroor bhariyega (...)"

Avant Garde arrives!

by Cyclops

Dated - 12th May 2011. Couldn't be published because Blogger was down. [1]

Thanks to our beloved readers and well-wishers, the last poll conducted showed Literary Society who's the boss here, with the newest in the race FNT bagging the top spot by a huge margin (104-6 as of now). Literary Society finally has something to fightback with, the much awaited Avant Garde has finally arrived, unlike its contemporary (Thapar n I) which hasn't been published since the last two semesters!

Delighted with the work, some of the Avant Garde team members decided to skip their quizzes and evaluations for this grand occasion. Looks like now they have something to punch above their weight. We decided to get in touch with one of the senior members of the team, Mr. Khanna and made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

FNT: The magazine was supposed to arrive on Acumen, right?
K: The magazines have been ready since over two months, but because of their large size and weight (just like mine), they couldn't be transported to Patiala. We couldn't strike a deal with any transporter. If it wasn't for FedEx we would've failed; we had even decided to cancel the magazine cause of the weight but then FedEx rescued us. They arrived at dawn in an A300 and it was so big, I even have a picture with it...

FNT: Err... Okay, we get it! So when do we get to see this masterpiece?
K: First of all, I'm pissed at you guys. I shouldn't even be giving this interview to you guys, but then I'm so happy... And you can have the magazine right now, I have one specially for your amazing team. Wait a second I'll just sign it and hand it over...

FNT: Your signature? What do you think you are? Ruskin Bond?
K: Na, but we have an exclusive interview by Mr. Ruskin Bond himself on page 38, and that is a must read just like my article, Being Human targeted at all you X-Men.

(Interesting. This guy writes for Avant Garde! The reason why they're losing 6-104 in the popularity race is now pretty clear.)

FNT: So whats special about this years' Avant Garde?
K: I got a chance to write which is probably the farthest I'll go at writing so it means a lot to mean, I've ordered over two dozen copies for my friends and family. I'm gonna FedEx them too.

FNT: We took a shot at you on our blog, you promised us you'd take us down, my sources tell me AG 2011 doesn't have any article on Faking News at Thapar. Is it true that you guys don't have what it takes to battle for dominance with the new kids in the block?
K: Umm... *scratches his head, looks up, eyeballs rolling up down left right, possibly scanning the surroundings while trying to figure out what the reporter is trying to say here*
(After waiting for over a minute)
FNT: Sir?
K: Who are the new kids in the block?
FNT: Err.. that's obviously us, Faking News at Thapar!
K:<censored>
*walks away furiously*

That is all we could get out of him. Meanwhile this is what we managed to get in a quick read. Check out Psychedelic Shadows (p. 17), The Rageholic (p. 20), Fusion Confusion (p. 29), Unconventional Wisdom (p. 32), The Faisal I lost (p. 56) , Dr Strangelove - Move review (p. 74).

The Battle Of the Media: Face-off with Avant Garde

by Cyclops

Mr. Malhotra returned to the limelight once again but for all the wrong reasons this time. It is heard that Mr Arora (the head of the firm) and Mr. Malhotra are very pissed at Faking News and its writers’ guild. They have made it clear that this fight is going to court one way or the other.

We must remind you that Mr. Malhotra was the same person who congratulated team FN for its success a few days ago and was very pleased with the activities and here are a few of his motivating words ‘an article a day is something I as a dedicated member of LITSOC would desperately want my society to achieve’ [1]. We sure hope that you achieve this.

However, it still remains unclear as to why Mr. Arora and his team (Mr. Mathur, Mr. Malhotra, Mr. Puri, Mr. Gulati) [citation needed] have decided to resort to legal action against FN. Their legal spokesperson, Mr Khanna cited that his client would like some privacy and meant to keep his reasons confidential. He added a rather cheeky comment in the end ‘We’ll see you in the court bitch!’.


You can never stop a grapevine even if you want it to remain a secret. Yes, unconfirmed reports have stated that it has something to do with FN’s recent success. Team FN did a small survey using the unconfirmed reports and came out with the following conclusion.

Team FN’s email id fakingnewsthapar@gmail.com is receiving over 50+ mails a day and the inbox has been flooding ever since day one. (I must take this opportunity to thank our readers for their generosity in writing to us. Currently the incoming is much more than our team can handle but we assure you that we will make sure your article gets published as long as it meets FN standards.) We must point out to you that Mr. Arora is the head of the Avant Garde team, the official annual magazine of Thapar University and since all the articles are headed FN’s way, Avant Garde is in deep trouble. The question remains can they complete the magazine in time with FN bagging most of the articles. To make the matters worse than they already are, in a recently conducted FN poll it was found that 90% of the students at Thapar believe that the content of Avant Garde goes way above their heads. They chose FN over Avant Garde.

Keep checking our page to see exclusive details of the first media vs media fight at Thapar University. FN vs AG

Archaeological Survey of India declares Tanki as a monument of National Importance

by Cyclops

The Archaeological Survey of India moved a step closer towards placing Thapar's legendary Tanki in the list of 783 monuments of national importance protected by the National Monuments Act of 1957. The ASI believes the tall Tanki standing tall in the Thapar Universtiy campus since the last 40 years has witnessed some rather magical and touching moments. Its addition into the hall of fame is a must. However the University officials protested against this stating the move as 'irrational, over-idealistic and rose-coloured'.

The ASI was enraged by the way the University officials threatened to throw them off the campus during their recce of the Tanki and its surroundings. The ASI stated that it will pursue legal action against the University in due course of time. Additionally, it recommended that the two trees right
adjacent to the Tanki be removed immediately for safety and preservation of the great monument. During their brief round in the campus, the ASI was informed about certain activities that took place on the Tanki a few months ago, the officials were not pleased to here this and said that they would take certain measures to stop such events from occurring again in the future. A suggestion included opening a place nearby which would act as an alternative for people instead of going up the Tanki.

Inspired by candle march, Thapar University announces 2 days off

by Cyclops

Yes, in a bizaare move on Saturday, the authorities at Thapar announced that the college will remain closed for two days after a great demonstration across the city by the students. Thousands of students gathered outside the gate on 6th April in a fight against corruption. This candle march went on upto Omaxe mall where they were supposedly heading for the 7.15 show of FALTU. But because the hall had only a few seats, a large number of disappointed faces were left out.The Thapar authorities were very pleased with how the students responded to a national war against corruption. And hence, they declared the college would observe two days celebration after Anna Hazare's needs were met by the government today. The two days being Tuesday and Thursday of next week.