DESI FORMULA

by Lance Alvers

The cacophony of thousand horse power engines tearing apart the silence and the smell of incinerated rubber burning the track will set the temperatures rising even more at the Thapar university campus come JUNE 2011. In what could be termed as the most bizarre move by the FIA (Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile), the F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone announced the first ever college Grand Prix in over sixty years of the sport’s history, adding one more feather in the cap of the Thapar university. The race will be the sixth race of the season and the fifth ever street circuit after the Monaco, Melbourne, Valencia and Singapore circuits. The main gate will see the beginning of the race, and the lap will comprise of the straight hostel road, followed by a turn towards the massive J grand stands (yeah the balconies of hostel J will serve as the stands for the race, and let me tell you the spots are selling like hot cakes, thank God FNT has got some passes). The H hostel route will serve as the Pit lane for the constructors, to ensure easier and better fueling all the teams are given a common resource. The Tanki will be filled with gas and 12 outlets will be provided from the main body so that each team can take out a nozzle from it.

Well there is another piece of trivia attached to the story as of how Thapar managed to upstage the likes of Harvard and Oxford for this race. The entire credit goes to the Thapar guard fraternity, in the biggest incident of altruism the guards accorded to act as marshals in the race for no money (the mere thought of sharing the space with liquor baron Vijay Mallya was enticing enough for them). And there are others who are just happy waving the flags and living their moment of glory on the big screen. Though there is still a big question mark on who will wave the chequered flag to mark the conclusion of the race.

As if granting an entire GP wasn’t enough the FIA officials have allotted a wild card entry to local constructors Team Fateh. They have even issued a Super driver license to the team students so that they can race an F1 car. The team is all smiles and is not dismissing its chances to win this first, one of a kind race which will be a part of the regular F1 calendar from this season. “All we need is a good driver and a good car and I am sure nothing will come in our way to grab this coveted GP, our welding, our engine and our seat comfort they are all better than the likes of red bull, Renault and Ferrari”, said the head of TF in an interview to FNT. But this decision has also raised a few eyebrows in the other camp; team Hybrid another car making team from the varsity has been criticizing this policy from the word go and is vying for another wild card entry into the race.

Also the biggest problem to have popped up amidst this hum is the ban on powered vehicles inside the lush green campus, but the authorities are trying to figure a way out of this issue. They think that the rules can be twisted to accommodate an event of this stature and magnanimity. This decision just like any other has also come under a lot of flak from the F1 community, F1 commentator Steve slater believes that this act is frivolous, “you got to be kidding me, how can you make this a race track, there is no way you can overtake on this circuit.”. But there are others who believe that this gives a platform to teams to rethink their strategies and win this thing on Pit stops.  Support is also pouring in from the testing authorities, “This is like biking around in your living room”, said an F1 driver who was testing the track for safety reasons.

There is a buzz in the campus; people who are not much into motorsports are also looking forward to the race, who knows if Force India pulls up a massive one up its sleeve this June, we might be in for another siddharth-deepika show. :P

Not email, Thapar may launch its own country!!

by Cypher

While the campus is abuzz with reports about Thapar University launching an email service to take on Google’s Gmail, trusted sources inform us that the university is planning a much bigger coup. The University, which has over 100 thousand alumni [citation needed] till date, is all set to launch its own modern republic next week. The institute’s head Ms Sheila would head an interim government in the new republic till inaugural elections are held.

The university has been making headlines ever since Tanki was declared a national monumentand the university’s ‘Team fateh’ took over Volkswagen. (That’s exactly what got us X-men interested in this university!)

In the coming week, every registered student of Thapar, currently or passed out, would receive a mail asking to confirm if they’d like to become the citizen of the new country. If one confirms, he or she would receive his or her passport of the new country, whereas those rejecting the offer would have to apply for “visa” to continue being a student/alumni of the institute.

“Yes, those not willing to join the Thapar Nation will have to pay visa fees (MORE fees?). We’d have different types of visas for different types of people. The teachers and staff will have to apply for business visa, the alumni would have to apply for tourist visa, while those who are still studying will be issued student visa,” informed our source.

Interestingly, since Thapar University doesn’t yet own an independent piece of land in this world, all those who’d become the citizens of the Thapar Nation (TN) would automatically become Non Resident Thaparians (NRTs), and thus may need to apply for visa in their existing countries of residence.

“We are in talks with all the nations of the world to allow NRTs to continue living in their respective countries on immigrant visa or transit visa till we buy land and relocate all our citizens,” the Thapar source said.

“Politics and business is fine, the country would be able to manage them,” says a sociologist“But what about the social aspects? Most students consider MIT as God; they turn to MIT for the best education in technology. Will Thapar allow this practice or consider this as some heretic or traitorous action? What would be the identity of this nation? The ethos? The symbols? Have they thought about these things?” He sounded very cynical.

However, our TU source claimed that all such issues had been discussed intensely within the team before they decided to launch a new country. Our source hinted that the nation would be named THAPARIA (THAPARSTAAN); the song “Amplifier” has been proposed as the national anthem; the TU logo would serve as the flag too; no specific religion, however electrical lab corridor would most likely be declared the place to worship.

The not-so-cynical experts believe that the Thapar Nation would be a runaway success and would lead to creation of new e-countries, with BITS and IITs most likely to follow suit and pave way for a multipolar but vibrant world. “The real problem would be when companies like Chitkara follow suit; it will create failed countries that might give rise to recession and terrorism,” warned an expert.

The Indian PM when asked on whether it will affect India as a country said, “Well it’s their choice. Although a formation of a new nation won’t affect India that much. The only sad part is that now the tanki which has been our national monument for so long and has brought us pride will no longer be with us”.

Future Fake: Team Fateh to take over Volkswagen

by Havok

PATIALA:
21st September '58

After generating a lot of media hype, the local car manufacturers Team Fateh have finalized the plan of taking over the German manufacturing company Volkswagen. The faculty advisor of TF, Mr. Karan Sidana, said in a press statement that, “The planned acquisition is in line with the team's objective to enhance its styling and familiarize Thapar University students with the global standards.” Explaining the reason for the delay in making this announcement, he said, "The hardest part in finalizing the deal was persuading the VW officials that the name of the company would be pronounced as VOLKS-WAGEN henceforth, as FOKS-WAGEN made no sense at all, it took some time, but I managed to succeed, as I always do in such arguments." The official takeover is expected to take place anytime now.

This announcement has sent a wave of excitement among the University students, and one of them even went on to say, "This is the best thing that has happened to Indian motor industry since the first F1 GP was held way back in 2011."

It is said to be a giant leap for a Team that has shown its promise by being the only Indian team to complete the endurance level successfully in the year 2008.

The Prime Minister on Wednesday termed the Volkswagen takeover by TF as a landmark in the march of Indian businesses.

Extremely overjoyed by this news, the DOSA of Thapar has announced a free “Langar” for all the students on 25th September at COS complex, and her decision to have no barricades between boys and girls this time around is being received with great enthusiasm by one and all. When asked that what will happen to the existing employees of Volkswagen, she simply replied that “Tell them their jobs are safe, until of course the University students pass out.”